long long time no write..

long
long time no write..

I like for you to be still
I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
and you hear me from far away and my voices does not touch you.
It seems as though your eyes have flown away
and it seems as a kiss had sealed your mouth

perlu takutkah orang sama perubahan? biasanya gue ga sih. walo ada juga kecemasan, tapi sampai idup gue yg sekarang ini gue selalu ngehadepin perubahan sama rasa optimis bahwa gue bakal bisa "naklukin" lingkungan gue yang baru lagi..

dari jaman gue SD ke SMP, SMP ke SMA, SMA ke kuliah. Alhamdulillah everything turns out to be good for me. Dari lulus kuliah ke tempat kerja gue sekarang juga. biasanya semua berjalan baik, biasanya gue bisa beradaptasi dengan baik dan melakukan hal2x yang baik di setiap tempat gue yang baru.

As all things are filled with my soul
you emerge from the things, filled with my soul.
You are like my soul, a butterfly of dream,
and you are like the word Melancholy.

Tapi apa bakal kayak gitu trus? karena selama ini gue baek2x aja apa artinya bakal baek trus kedepannya? Mungkinkah ujian yg benernya blom datang ke gue dan gue blom merasakan waktu2x yg bener2x susah buat gue? dan kalo emang itu bener saatnyakah waktu2x itu sampai? Dan akan berhasilkah gue? lagi..

Hmmm.. pertanyaan dan ketidaktahuan seringkali yang lebih nyiksa gue daripada ngejalaninnya. Beberapa kali gue nyoba ngeformulain apa yg bisa bikin gue jalan dan apa yg gak, tapi ga ada formula khusus sebenernya..

I like for you to be still, and you seem far away.
It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a
dove.

And you hear me from far away, and my voice does not reach you:
Let me come to be still in your silence.

Di depan gue skrg sebuah perubahan gede lagi bakal terjadi. Gue harus ninggalin tempat gue yg nyaman saat ini buat nemenin istri gue tercinta yg udah duluan pergi. Excited? Scared? yeah.. 2 hal itu lagi. Ada pengharapan bahwa hal2x yg lebih bagus dari yg sekarang bakal terjadi lagi ama gue, dan ada ketakutan yg sangat gimana kalo hal2x itu ga yg tambah bagus tapi malah buruk?

And let me talk to you with your silence
that is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring.
You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.
Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.

Jadi.. apa gelas itu setengah penuh atau setengah kosong? Mari kita liat aja si enda ini sebenernya terbuat dari apa, dari agar2x lembek-kah? atau dari logam sekeras baja yang ga bisa bengkok?.. Mari..

I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough.
And I am happy, happy that it's not true.

Mungkin harusnya gue berdoa aja kali ya.. di setiap ketidakberdayaan kita mengisinya dengan doa. Tapi ga kali ini kayaknya, karena Dia yang disana kayaknya udah kira2x tau deh problem gue skrg... jadi..

i like for you to be still.. so i can see clearly.

poem by Pablo Neruda, translation by W.S. Merwin